Long after the dark things were driven into the ocean, they would still carry off men. And there, in the depths, they would beget monsters. Some said such creatures were the union of mortals and those strange beings who had existed before light itself. Others said the monsters were men, warped and twisted by the depths of the ocean.

In a great city, in the thrice tenth kingdom of the twice ninth land, such a monster came to carry off the most beautiful maiden of the city, every fifth year. A wealthy merchant, knowing his youngest daughter was soon to come of age, sent out offers of a great reward and the hand of his daughter in marriage to any man who would slay the monster to all four corners of the kingdom.

Random heard of this reward and came to offer his services to the wealthy merchant. “Well,” spoke Random, on presenting himself to that worthy man, “where are all the others who seek the prize?”

“They have all tried and failed,” replied the merchant. “A man as strong as a hundred men was slain just yesterday, and his sword of one thousand folds shattered in twain.”

Random spread his arms and said, “That is all good, but I will wager I am twice as strong as that. See here now, I carry neither sword nor rifle, but I swear on your promise that I shall complete your task.”

“So you say,” the merchant agreed, with little hope. “You may overnight in my house, and be well-rested for the morning.”

“I have no need of sleep,” said Random. “I will set about my task straightaway. But I must ask to borrow from you two good, strong draft horses, eight casks of kerosene, a sturdy blade, and one of the good lady’s kerchief’s for luck.”

The merchant provided all these things, and Random set off as the sun began to touch the horizon. When all daylight had fled, and he was a good distance from the city, Random stopped his cart and immediately lay down to sleep, for he was quite tired.

Some hours later, a terrible voice awakened him. “What’s this? Another warrior of men sent from the fools in the city! Well, I will have my prize this year too, and your life with all the others!”

“Oh, so you are the monster I have heard so much talk over,” said Random. The great beast stood like a man, yet towered like a tree. It had the features of a baboon, or a wolf perhaps, and coarse, mottled hair covered the twisted and gargantuan musculature of its body. “Well, you are not so much. I hardly think it is worth my time to slay you.” And Random made to go back to sleep.

“Pah! You are nothing! Such arrogance! Stand or die where you lay.”

Thus Random stood, and retrieved a cask of kerosene from the cart. “You are quite loud. Let me refresh myself with a drink, first.” And so he drank down the entire cask, though in truth he secretly let it all flow into the earth.

“Bah,” roared the monster. “You think me impressed? I am not!” And with that it drank down all the other casks of kerosene, spilling it everywhere as its hideous jaws guzzled the foul-smelling liquid.

Random stretched and yawned. “If we must fight, then let me clear this away.” So speaking, Random picked up a rock larger than his head and, with all his might, threw it a league.

The monster roared with laughter. “I will clear a space big enough for both of us, worm.” And at that, it gathered up a hundred trees in each arm, straining as it lifted them over its head.

Well, in a flash, Random pulled out the fair maiden’s kerchief and struck it alight. He threw the burning silk onto the kerosene-soaked monster, and before the beast could roar a protest, it was engulfed in flame, and burned to cinders from the inside out.

The trees collapsed on it, and crushed its ribs, and when the flames died, Random used his sturdy blade to cut off the monster’s head and hands. The head he laced with rosemary and silver, and buried it beneath a sapling, and the hands he brought back to the city as evidence of his task’s completion.

He was given his reward by the merchant, and if he has not died, he still lives in the great city today.